Let Me Get Honest
I've been struggling with something in the past few months and I haven't talked about it at all. I've been too busy trying not to show weakness and in the end that will get me nowhere; and I also want to let everyone else that is reading this know that they don't have to be perfect either. So here it goes.
I hate the way I look.
Kenneth had her first swim classes today and I asked Dustin to take a picture of us. I was looking at the pictures on the way home and was repulsed. My hair looks like garbage, the dark circles under my eyes are so dark it looks like a got in a fist fight, my stomach looks weird and I don't think I've shaved my legs in 2 months. Never mind that I'm holding the most perfect baby in the world on my hip and she is happy, loved and well cared for; all I could see were those flaws. My eyes started welling up with tears and I told Dustin how I feel absolutely disgusting. I hate looking at pictures of myself because I would rather just pretend that I don't know what I look like. Before Kenneth I loved doing my makeup and my hair, getting dressed up, and I shaved my legs whenever I wanted to. I realize these things don't "make me beautiful," but they were part of what made me ME.
And this point in time there's not much I can do to change the things I don't like. I'm probably going to be tired until Kenneth is 35 and I won't be able to get my hair done as much as I'd like for a good long while. So with that being said, I can most definitely change my perspective. I'm tired because Kenneth needs me at night, and when she's with me she feels safe and secure. My hair is a mess because I spend my days singing "The Ants Go Marching" and making sure she has healthy meals instead of sitting at the salon. My stomach looks weird because I grew a tiny human.
I realize that like everything else in life, this is just a season. It will be over before I know it and new struggles (and joys) will take its place. But I just wanted you to know that if you're feeling this way, you're not alone. And if you need someone to talk to I will always have a spot on my couch and a cup of coffee or hot chocolate for you.
I hate the way I look.Kenneth had her first swim classes today and I asked Dustin to take a picture of us. I was looking at the pictures on the way home and was repulsed. My hair looks like garbage, the dark circles under my eyes are so dark it looks like a got in a fist fight, my stomach looks weird and I don't think I've shaved my legs in 2 months. Never mind that I'm holding the most perfect baby in the world on my hip and she is happy, loved and well cared for; all I could see were those flaws. My eyes started welling up with tears and I told Dustin how I feel absolutely disgusting. I hate looking at pictures of myself because I would rather just pretend that I don't know what I look like. Before Kenneth I loved doing my makeup and my hair, getting dressed up, and I shaved my legs whenever I wanted to. I realize these things don't "make me beautiful," but they were part of what made me ME.
And this point in time there's not much I can do to change the things I don't like. I'm probably going to be tired until Kenneth is 35 and I won't be able to get my hair done as much as I'd like for a good long while. So with that being said, I can most definitely change my perspective. I'm tired because Kenneth needs me at night, and when she's with me she feels safe and secure. My hair is a mess because I spend my days singing "The Ants Go Marching" and making sure she has healthy meals instead of sitting at the salon. My stomach looks weird because I grew a tiny human.
I realize that like everything else in life, this is just a season. It will be over before I know it and new struggles (and joys) will take its place. But I just wanted you to know that if you're feeling this way, you're not alone. And if you need someone to talk to I will always have a spot on my couch and a cup of coffee or hot chocolate for you.
Sweetie, I so feel for you. My girls are 22, 19 and almost 17 and I still have dark circles under my eyes. (they all were sick over winter break) Sometimes you just need to know you are not alone, like you said. I am too far away and our schedules are too complicated to get together easily but you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Perspective becomes/is reality. You are beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Aside from me you are beautiful to your family and so many others. Thank you for sharing your journey. You are an inspiration to so many.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been following you for the longest, wayyyyy before you had your beautiful baby, you’re right you used to always get your hair and make up done, but that was then, you didn’t have baby and the responsibility that comes with that, but you’re still gorgeous, it’s a different type of beauty!!! You look SO MUCH HAPPIER, and you guys brighten my days when i see your posts! I don’t have kids, but i hope i can do everything you do for her! So embrace it hun! ♥️♥️♥️♥️
ReplyDeleteI don’t know if you can see my name lol i don’t know how this works lol but it’s ginni_in_a_bottle31 lol hugs!
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