Recovery Is Possible
On September 4, 2017 I am celebrating 2 years of sobriety. 2 years free from any mood or mind altering substance. 2 years free from the chains that kept me down.
I started cutting myself when I was in 8th grade, and that was my first true taste of numbing my feelings from the outside. I very distinctly remember the sweet relief the first time I slashed the scissors across the skin on my hip. It's like every problem I had just melted away as I watch the droplets of blood emerge from the fresh cut. It was a feeling like nothing I had ever experienced. And that was all it took for me to not want to experience the world around me. I knew that I always had an escape; whether I was happy or sad.
I didn't start drinking in high school, or even really the beginning of college; but when I did start, it was a slow and painful downward spiral. I don't really remember my first drink, but I remember the feeling of belonging that accompanied it. When I was drinking I felt like everything in the world would be alright and that I was fun and likable. There was no reason for me to not feel these things sober, but I didn't. I lived in a constant state of never feeling good enough, but not doing anything to better my life. When I was at my darkest points I went to bed every night hoping I wouldn't wake up, and then waking up in the morning wishing I hadn't. Yet everyday, I continued on the same path of destruction.
Let's fast forward a few years.
On September 3, 2015 I was arrest for an OWI. Thankfully I was pulled over because I ran a red light and not because I had injured anyone else or myself. This event was the slap in the face I needed to make a change. That night when I got home from the police station I made a commitment to total sobriety. I realized that my life had spun completely out of control and I had to find a way to reign everything in. The very next day I went and sought help through an amazing fellowship. I was detoxing and felt miserable, but the people I met gave me a glimmer of hope. I realized I no longer had to live life the way I had been, and I saw a chance for true happiness. I learned to take life as it came; 1 day at a time. Sometimes even 1 hour at a time on bad days. I learned that I had to completely change my way of thinking and doing things. I learned that I am not crazy, but the alcohol and drugs sure made it seem that way.
My life has done a complete 180 in the past 2 years. I used to go out every night and sleep until noon the next day. I didn't care how my actions affected my family or friends. I was a shell of a person. Today I am up all night rocking my sweet baby girl back to sleep; and my days of sleeping in until noon are certainly over. I am closer than I have ever been with my family and my friends are incredible. Because of my sobriety I am able to live a life that's filled with joy, love, peace and acceptance.
I started cutting myself when I was in 8th grade, and that was my first true taste of numbing my feelings from the outside. I very distinctly remember the sweet relief the first time I slashed the scissors across the skin on my hip. It's like every problem I had just melted away as I watch the droplets of blood emerge from the fresh cut. It was a feeling like nothing I had ever experienced. And that was all it took for me to not want to experience the world around me. I knew that I always had an escape; whether I was happy or sad.
I didn't start drinking in high school, or even really the beginning of college; but when I did start, it was a slow and painful downward spiral. I don't really remember my first drink, but I remember the feeling of belonging that accompanied it. When I was drinking I felt like everything in the world would be alright and that I was fun and likable. There was no reason for me to not feel these things sober, but I didn't. I lived in a constant state of never feeling good enough, but not doing anything to better my life. When I was at my darkest points I went to bed every night hoping I wouldn't wake up, and then waking up in the morning wishing I hadn't. Yet everyday, I continued on the same path of destruction.
Let's fast forward a few years.
On September 3, 2015 I was arrest for an OWI. Thankfully I was pulled over because I ran a red light and not because I had injured anyone else or myself. This event was the slap in the face I needed to make a change. That night when I got home from the police station I made a commitment to total sobriety. I realized that my life had spun completely out of control and I had to find a way to reign everything in. The very next day I went and sought help through an amazing fellowship. I was detoxing and felt miserable, but the people I met gave me a glimmer of hope. I realized I no longer had to live life the way I had been, and I saw a chance for true happiness. I learned to take life as it came; 1 day at a time. Sometimes even 1 hour at a time on bad days. I learned that I had to completely change my way of thinking and doing things. I learned that I am not crazy, but the alcohol and drugs sure made it seem that way.
My life has done a complete 180 in the past 2 years. I used to go out every night and sleep until noon the next day. I didn't care how my actions affected my family or friends. I was a shell of a person. Today I am up all night rocking my sweet baby girl back to sleep; and my days of sleeping in until noon are certainly over. I am closer than I have ever been with my family and my friends are incredible. Because of my sobriety I am able to live a life that's filled with joy, love, peace and acceptance.
*I really didn't want to get into all the gritty details on here because I have people in my life that do not need to be subjected to every detail of my using, but if you need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out to me.*
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| Then and Now |
You are amazing. Sharing your story helps so many people in so many ways. Some people just need to know they are not alone and other are able to learn from your example before it gets to the point of a major wake up call. There are still others that just need to know there is hope for their loved one. Thank you for sharing your journey.
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