New Normal
I knew my life would be forever changed when Kenneth came into my world, but I wasn't anticipating just how much EVERYTHING would change.
I was never a particularly anxious person pre-baby and I had a pretty carefree attitude about life. I'm pretty sure the second she was born that carefree attitude went out the window. I quickly became consumed with all the bad things that could ever happen to my sweet new baby girl and it was completely overwhelming. Kenneth was about 2 weeks old when Dustin and I decided we would watch a documentary on the Columbine massacre. That was a terrible idea - I wouldn't suggest it. I sat there holding my baby, sobbing uncontrollably and declared that not only were we never leaving the living room, we were never leaving that spot on the couch. Don't worry, we have left the couch and house since then, but there are often days where I wish I could keep her inside and the doors locked to protect her forever. I never understood sleepless nights until I woke up in a panic to make sure the baby was breathing.
Speaking of sleepless nights; all you people out there with babies sleeping 10 hours at a time, we can't be friends. At 4.5 months old Kenneth typically wakes up every 2-3 hours to eat. Okay, that's doable. I've become accustomed to broken sleep and it's just what we do now. But let me tell you a little story about the baby that learned to roll over. Amazing, right?! Not so amazing when the baby can only roll from her stomach to her back, and then get's stuck like a a freaking turtle on it's back every FOURT FIVE MINUTES ALL NIGHT LONG. I'll give you a guess about who's baby the story is about. I've found that the only way she'll sleep longer than 1 hour at a time is if I'm holding her. Which is great, I love snuggling her all night; but that means I'm on high alert all night to make sure I don't accidentally smother her and end up on the news. So what I'm trying to relay is this: if you see me and I don't know what day it is, do not be surprised. I'm also considering forcing myself to like coffee; but I don't see that being successful.
I'm also trying to do things to still maintain my identity as a person and not just as a mom, which is a little difficult to do when I'm with Kenneth 24/7. I started bullet journaling again, started going back to school, and have been trying to make it a point to pick up a book at least once a day and read a little. I don't want to forget who I am as a person, but the struggle is real.
I was never a particularly anxious person pre-baby and I had a pretty carefree attitude about life. I'm pretty sure the second she was born that carefree attitude went out the window. I quickly became consumed with all the bad things that could ever happen to my sweet new baby girl and it was completely overwhelming. Kenneth was about 2 weeks old when Dustin and I decided we would watch a documentary on the Columbine massacre. That was a terrible idea - I wouldn't suggest it. I sat there holding my baby, sobbing uncontrollably and declared that not only were we never leaving the living room, we were never leaving that spot on the couch. Don't worry, we have left the couch and house since then, but there are often days where I wish I could keep her inside and the doors locked to protect her forever. I never understood sleepless nights until I woke up in a panic to make sure the baby was breathing.
Speaking of sleepless nights; all you people out there with babies sleeping 10 hours at a time, we can't be friends. At 4.5 months old Kenneth typically wakes up every 2-3 hours to eat. Okay, that's doable. I've become accustomed to broken sleep and it's just what we do now. But let me tell you a little story about the baby that learned to roll over. Amazing, right?! Not so amazing when the baby can only roll from her stomach to her back, and then get's stuck like a a freaking turtle on it's back every FOURT FIVE MINUTES ALL NIGHT LONG. I'll give you a guess about who's baby the story is about. I've found that the only way she'll sleep longer than 1 hour at a time is if I'm holding her. Which is great, I love snuggling her all night; but that means I'm on high alert all night to make sure I don't accidentally smother her and end up on the news. So what I'm trying to relay is this: if you see me and I don't know what day it is, do not be surprised. I'm also considering forcing myself to like coffee; but I don't see that being successful.
I'm also trying to do things to still maintain my identity as a person and not just as a mom, which is a little difficult to do when I'm with Kenneth 24/7. I started bullet journaling again, started going back to school, and have been trying to make it a point to pick up a book at least once a day and read a little. I don't want to forget who I am as a person, but the struggle is real.
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